Our six-year daughter is constantly on snitch his younger brother Alex, who just four years. It seems that it is only waiting for Alex to do something wrong to say this to me. I think this will pass, but I see that this behavior is becoming a hobby. How can I stop it?
Summary of the main point: the best means to stop donositelstvo - to set a rule: do not listen to the message, if it is not intended to prevent trouble or harm.
Donositelstvo - Acquisition of the type of behavior is manifested, usually in children of preschool age. This, in fact, the first step towards another type of irritating behavior, inherent to all ages, which is called slander. Usually the intention of informers - to cause trouble to another, or to attract our attention, but it is used socially unacceptable means. Another reason for such behavior in children - power. (Think about it: the realization that you can inflict a nasty brother, sister or friend - a very powerful tool of control.) Donositelstvo - is not engaging character trait, it usually leads to a deterioration of relations between the informer and his victim, and often cause the home war between the children. In addition, the reported information thus is rarely useful.
Three steps to eradicate donositelstva
We suggest three steps that can be used as guidance and assistance in eliminating donositelstva and slander.
Step 1. Explain the difference between denunciation and a message about something.
Tell an adult that someone could tear or get into trouble, does not mean to convey, it is a responsible act. In our time, is particularly important that the adult children reported that someone in danger, threatened by someone who is frightened or wound. In these cases, the message is directed not to cause trouble, but rather to prevent the troubles or misfortunes. During this interview a good idea to give your child the names of adults that he can come and talk about possible dangerous situations. Explain to him the difference between denunciation and presentation.
Step 2. Enter the "no snitch" and obyazhite child to follow him.
As soon as the child learn the difference between the denunciation and the message, enter the rigid rule prohibiting snitch. The best rules are simple and clear language: "I will not listen to it, is that if someone got into trouble" or "This is a useful or useless message? Most of these responses is that the child understand that you will listen only useful information. The key to eradicating donositelstva - sequence in the set of policies each time a child tell.
Step 3. Teach your child how to cope with problems.
One of the reasons donositelstva is that children may not know how to cope with the problem, so they come to us, so we did it for them. Saving every child, you do not contribute to the development of self-confidence, and teach him how to cope with the problems of their own, that he can rely on themselves. Teach your child a simple four-method of solving the problem.
1. Stop and ask yourself. "And I Did it matter?"
2. Think: "What is the problem?"
3. Options: think about how to solve the problem.
4. The plan: choose the best option to plan and follow it.
Here is a sample conversation with the child.
Child: You want to tell you, that makes Billy?
Mom: Remember what I taught you. Ask yourself, is your problem or his?
Child: Well, Billy can hurt.
Mom: Okay, now think, what is the problem?
Child: Billy climbs the cabinet to take the cup. It may fall.
Mom: What are your options, so that it does not fall?
Child: get himself a cup and get him or give him another.
Mom: And what are your plan? Which option is best?
Child: I will give him another cup.
Mom: I know that you are coping. The next time you will not need my help. Go do that agreed.
Plan a phased change of problem behavior child
To get started, ask yourself, which can encourage the child to bring in other children. There are several options. Maybe he craves your attention? Who knows whether the child how to cope with the problems? Maybe he thinks that this helps you? What if he was jealous of a brother or sister or revenge to another child? Talk to an adult, well aware of your child. Does it behave as it is with them? Find out why the child tell, it is possible to plan a phased change of problem behavior.
Then carefully examine their own behavior. How do you usually react when the child tell? Perhaps you are inadvertently encouraging denunciations, paying attention and reacting to the slightest complaint? If so, consider changing their behavior. Typically, the best reaction - neutral: "Um-m-m" or "A-and ..." Muffle their reaction, and not play into the hands of a child.
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